Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Don't get it twisted... I AM NOT YOUR booty call... YOU ARE MINE! :)

Why don't they serve hot dogs at McDonalds? No one could order a McWeiner with a straight face! Just wait until they ask if you'd like to supersize that!

Wish I could change my relationship status to "batteries dead" LOL

is wondering HOW donkey got dragon PREGNANT?

let's flip a coin, if it's heads I get tail, and if it's tails I get head

The smallest woman can break the biggest man with three little words ... Is it in ?

i now know I'm getting old.i was watching some porn the other day and thought to myself wow that's a nice bed

Is contemplating about sinning with Mr. Right Now tonight

is brilliant in bed ... when my blanket wants to feel my body and my pillow wants some head, I indulge them for hours and hours

rain rain, go away.. I can get wet in other ways :)

touch me, taste me, bite me, blow me, suck me, fuk me, nice and slowly.. but if u kiss me don't be hasty.. use your tongue and make it tasty!! :P <3

Ever try the rodeo position? When you're in bed with your girl, just lean in real close and whisper, "You're not as good as your sister" and try to hold on!!!

Well since we are going to die tomorrow i am getting batteries, sorry Hun but I want this last one to last a while <3

Attention everyone! I'm sorry but no one can say my name anymore. It has been worn out. Someone was screaming it all night. I apologize for any inconvenience.

Wise man:"Some girls beg, some girls borrow. Some girls lead & some girls follow. Some bring joy & some bring sorrow, but the best girls just suck & swallow!"

The difference between kinky and freaky: Kinky teases with a feather. Freaky uses the whole chicken.

The sexual position, more commonly known as 69 will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it used to.

don't tell anyone but under these clothes, I'm naked ;) x

a nwe sudty sowhs 99.9% of ntuarlaly hrony popele can raed ayntinhg? Kepe tihs giogn yuo hrony bggeur!!

Mom said, if I could dream it...I could do it. I dreamt of you last night, so...what time should I come over?