Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Some days I feel like the Queen of my Castle, and some days Cinderella. But piss me off, and I will immediately turn into the Wicked Witch of the West.

Sometimes I really want to punch you, but then I realize you have to look in the mirror every day and that's punishment enough.

sweet as sugar...hard as ice...hurt me once...i'll kill u twice

(B) Bold, (I) intelligent , (T) Thoughtful , (C) caring , and (H) Happy, RU? Well i guess not b/c u keep callin me that! soo thank u for noticing, i try hard!

I'm gonna try to be in a good mood. It may work, or it may cause me to go crazy and attack the next person who stares at me funny...

You might think you are all that because you are dating my ex, but I have just one question for you: 'HOW DO I TASTE?'

Asks: What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard covered in blood screaming for help??
A: stay calm, reload, and aim better.

B I T C H really stands for- "Boys, I'm Taking Charge Here"

I have a pocket full of 'F*CK You's and have already started passing them out this morning!

I can only please one person per day.... Today is not your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either.... take a number and join the queue..

Don't worry I'm not jealous when i see you with another girl because i was taught to give my unwanted toys to the less fortunate

i am who i am - and sweety your approval is not needed

I am a woman, not a princess. I have an attitude, opinions, and a very loud voice. I am not a liar or a cheat. I am independent, intelligent, and strong.

The world will continue to try & tell you who you are...until you stand up & show the world exactly who you're gonna be.

Sweetie, the only fan you have, is the one on your ceiling.

Karma's gonna knock u down and I am gonna watch, point, and laugh

They sit there an gossip about me an spread lies like they spread their legs. But I sit back thinking man I've got a fan club, How can I piss em off next?

what pisses you off more? the fact that I'm happy or the fact that your not?!

If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter

When I saw you with that girl, that look you saw on my face wasn't jealousy.
It was simply me trying not to laugh