Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Rubber is black, latex is pinky - slap on the handcuffs and let's get kinky ;-)

Better put a condom on honey, 'cause if you're gonna act like a d!ck, you should dress like one.

I'm an angel! Yes, horns hold up my halo. But that just means I'm a horny lil angel! ;)

Tall dark handsome male required for Naked household duties ;)

"Whats your uncle's name?"
"Jack."
"If your Uncle Jack was stuck on a horse, would you help your Uncle Jack off?"

scientist have found that many women develop "Hoover Disease". After yrs of marriage, they begin to make a continuous whining noise but don't suck any more

roes are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! (now that is a love poem)

Age Old Truth #37: To a child, *Snap Crackle Pop* is what you hear from a bowl of Rice Krispies. To an adult...it's what you hear getting out of bed.

Legs is the key word of the day! Spread the word!

If whiskey makes you frisky and gin makes you win...what gets you pregnant? 2 high balls and a squirt!

Taking candy from a baby is one thing. But taking the batteries out of their toys and putting into yours is another matter entirely! Now, put them back!

... Bring on those sexy, sultry, hot, erotic, steamy, vampi... uh... ahem... My apologies, my halo slipped for a moment! Bwuahahaha!!!

90 year old virgin goes to the doctor for crabs... the doctor says, "You don't have crabs, those are fruit flies. Your cherry's rotten!"

F*ck buddies should be relationship status!

It's not the flick of the tongue that does the trick, It's how many times you flick it that does the job. J. Lockwood

There must be a light switch on my forehead, cause every time I see you, I get turned on.