Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Somewhere... a turkey works on her bucket list.

For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!

Thanksgiving--Family Dysfunction at its very best

Gobble until you wobble !!!

Time to do the gobble wobble while shakin' and bakin' then waddle and roll... lots and lots of rolls lol Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

First we stuff the turkey, then the turkey stuffs us. "What goes around comes around."

When the kitchen smells spicy and wonderful, it can only mean one thing ... It's not my kitchen. lol Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Thanksgiving: the one holiday where stuffing bread crumbs up a dead birds butt is considered acceptable

I Am Thankful for what I have... and for what I've Escaped!!! lol Have A Safe And Enjoyable Thanksgiving All!!!

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough she asked the stock boy Do these turkeys get any bigger? The stock boy replied No they're dead.

May your turkey be plump,May your potatoes & Gravy have never a lump, May your pies take the prize. And may your Thanksgiving Dinner stay off your thighs

What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy I'm stuffed.

If men believed in reincarnation they'd ask to come back as a spider, so they could hear a woman scream OMG LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT!

roes are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! (now that is a love poem)

roes are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! (now that is a love poem)

Never look a man in the eye while eating a corn dog.
A woman asks a man for money to buy a bra. He says "why do you need a bra, you don't have anything to put in it." she says "you wear pants, don't you?"

~ A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.

A mom is tidying her son's bedroom and finds a hidden stack of bondage and fetish magazines. She asks her husband what to do. He says DO NOT FRICKIN SPANK HIM!

So if u put Dill in the pizza dough...would that make it Dill Dough? Lol

When someone asks, "You look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Well...do you watch porn?"

Nice guys finish last... because they make sure their women come first ;)

There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but to catch them, you must first become a Master Baiter.

fun size chocolate bars! what's that all about?. since when was anything 3inches, fun size?

If the ocean was vodka & I was a duck I'd swim to the bottom & never come up. But the ocean's not vodka & I'm not a duck so pass me a bottle & shut the f*ck up.

Touch it gently put 2 fingers in rub it up and down if its wide enough put 3 fingers in keep rubbing it and make sure its wet yep that's how u wash a glass

There's no such thing as a dirty mind, it's just a sense of humor with adult content

was always told to practice the Golden Rule - treat others like I wanted to be treated... so I spanked you and pulled your hair.

When a private number is calling answer with,"Vasectomy clinic. You flop em, we chop em." See how long they stay on the line

scientist have found that many women develop "Hoover Disease". After yrs of marriage, they begin to make a continuous whining noise but don't suck any more

Wife: Shall we try a different position tonight? Husband: Excellent idea Wife: U stand at sink, wash dishes, I will lie on sofa & watch TV =P