Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

It's too bad wisdom can't be bought or sold. I know some people that are definitely in need of a shopping spree!

Is requesting to be sent to a beautiful faraway island that DOESN'T contain: 1. Stupid people 2. Annoying people and 3. Selfish people.

okay, so I really don't mind that's there's stupid people in this world, but WHY do they ALL have to be sent MY way?

Can't change stupid, and can't negotiate with crazy

A brunette and a blond are at the pool. The brunette says "Oh no! it's raining!" the blond then says "OMG stick your head underwater so you don't get wet!"

If Jesus was your friend on Facebook, would you have gone ahead and posted what you did today?

I'm not anti-social... I just refuse to socialize with stupid people... and they're EVERYWHERE!!

God please keep your hand over my mouth and your arms around mine before I tell people exactly what I think and get into a fist fight. Amen

Ignorance is the absence of knowledge. Stupidity is the presence of knowledge and the refusal to use it.

On the bright side of things... stupid people are free entertainment!

I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you...smack yourself for me.

There are a few people I know whose birth certificates should be considered an apology letter to the world!

If I were you, I'd shut up. The little voices in my head are telling me to high five you in the face with a frying pan.

If you are going to unfriend me on face book, don't use your husband's/wife's Face book to still spy on me and see what i am doing ok! YOU FREAK!

Dear rude person, Your rudeness is not funny, witty, or cute. It shows off your lack of people skills. Grow up and get your head out of your rear end. Thanks!

"Be who you are and say what you feel because its mind over matter, those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

Have you ever dealt with someone who, when they talk, the amount of stupidity that tumbles out is so overwhelming that it leaves you speechless?

Some people need to swim in a shark tank while they're having their period.

The cure for stupidity: A shock collar... It either puts an end to peoples stupidity or you can laugh from watching them flail around LMAO!

"Why don't you get a hobby? I hear running in traffic is fun!"

I vote that a pharmaceutical company should come up with a pill for those of us who deal with stupid people on a daily basis. This would be ever so helpful!

I think every day when i go to work."It has got to be illegal or some kind of O.S.H.A violation to have this many stupid people under one roof."

I hate all the "My life sucks!" statuses. Look, instead of moping around on Facebook, go change your freaking life and make it better!!

is thinking: "I think thinking thinks thoughts that thoughts think they're thinking when I'm thinking ". I thought thoughts think, but I thought wrong.

I bet back in the 1850's people thought we were gonna have flying cars and time traveling but no! We just get shaped rubber bands and backwards robes!

If I suddenly smile, run.

1 in 4 people are crazy. Look at your 3 closest friends, if they seem OK, you're the one!

It's okay to talk to yourself, and it's even okay to answer yourself. Its when you start going, "huh? What did you say?" that the men in the white coats show up

The proper word that describes you would be vinegar sac, yep I just said douche bag but in a fancy way!

I may randomly burst out in laughter. Don't worry. It's an inside joke. You may not get it, but WE do.

screw the box! i think outside the straight-jacket ;)

what do you call Winnie the Pooh's grandmother? Pooh-nanny! hahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahahahahah

Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.

My inner child threw a temper tantrum when the voices in my head refused to share the swings in my mental playground. It was total & utter chaos!

u should have your license plate to say I FORGOT so when someone calls the police and they ask what's the license plate say the person would say I FORGOT!!

says; My special school bus driver said it's okay to lick the windows on the small bus, but if I eat another seat I can't ride any more.

There are 4 level of crazy: 1) talking to yourself 2) arguing with yourself 3) losing said argument 4) no longer talking to yourself

is currently disguised as a responsible adult!!

bent the buckles on my straight jacket today..things are looking up

crazy people don't know they are crazy, i know i am crazy therefor i am not crazy

The voices in my head and my 2 imaginary friends got into a fight and I had to break it up by hitting my head on the wall and telling them CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN!