sometimes when I read certain things it's like having my eyes raped by stupidity
if you think I'm sarcastic now, be glad what I'm thinking doesn't always come out of my mouth!
The difference between women & men is that men are stupid & women are crazy. And women are crazy because men are stupid...
Remember that there's always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Life is all about asses: We are either kissing them, kicking them, watching them, or being one.
A bird just pooped on my truck.. Every time it happens from now on I am going to eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my patio just to show them what I'm capable of
I could definitely become a morning person...if it started later in the day.
Keeping me in mind can be dangerous...I am mind blowing.
" If you hear your past calling, change your phone number."
Expect anything from anyone, the devil was once an angel.
Funny how you never realize you are a control freak, until things are out of your control and you freak.
Before asking someone why they hate you, ask yourself why you even really care. :)
You ever get the feeling that light at the end of the tunnel is just some butt-head with a glow stick who keeps running away?
...remember when we was YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up??....WOW, were we stupid or what?
A cop tells you "your eyes look bloodshot have you been drinking." You shouldn't respond with, "Gee sir, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
if you tell me everything happens for a reason, don't be surprised when I punch you in the face. it happened for a reason
If my math teacher told me that one day knowing trajectories would help me win a game called "Angry Birds", I might have paid more attention