tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73910795749234977412024-03-08T12:54:14.594-08:00Funny One Liners | Sarcastic QuotesTazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.comBlogger144125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-60452804431423815392012-10-22T15:13:00.001-07:002012-10-22T15:13:11.748-07:00Thanksgiving Humor<br>Somewhere... a turkey works on her bucket list.<br><br>For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!<br><br>Thanksgiving--Family Dysfunction at its very best<br><br>Gobble until you wobble !!!<br><br>Time to do the gobble wobble while shakin' and bakin' then waddle and roll... lots and lots of rolls lol Happy Thanksgiving everyone!<br><br>First we stuff the turkey, then the turkey stuffs us. "What goes around comes around."<br><br>When the kitchen smells spicy and wonderful, it can only mean one thing ... It's not my kitchen. lol Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!<br><br>Thanksgiving: the one holiday where stuffing bread crumbs up a dead birds butt is considered acceptable<br><br>I Am Thankful for what I have... and for what I've Escaped!!! lol Have A Safe And Enjoyable Thanksgiving All!!!<br><br>A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough she asked the stock boy Do these turkeys get any bigger? The stock boy replied No they're dead.<br><br>May your turkey be plump,May your potatoes & Gravy have never a lump, May your pies take the prize. And may your Thanksgiving Dinner stay off your thighs<br><br>What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy I'm stuffed.<br><br><br><br>Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-83005624130441659052012-10-22T15:05:00.001-07:002012-10-22T15:07:18.416-07:00Adult Sex FunnyIf men believed in reincarnation they'd ask to come back as a spider, so they could hear a woman scream OMG LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT!<br><br>roes are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! (now that is a love poem)<br><br>roes are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! (now that is a love poem)<br><br>Never look a man in the eye while eating a corn dog.<br>A woman asks a man for money to buy a bra. He says "why do you need a bra, you don't have anything to put in it." she says "you wear pants, don't you?"<br><br>~ A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.<br><br>A mom is tidying her son's bedroom and finds a hidden stack of bondage and fetish magazines. She asks her husband what to do. He says DO NOT FRICKIN SPANK HIM!<br><br>So if u put Dill in the pizza dough...would that make it Dill Dough? Lol<br><br>
When someone asks, "You look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Well...do you watch porn?"<br><br>Nice guys finish last... because they make sure their women come first ;)Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-30755443230100285052012-10-22T14:59:00.002-07:002012-10-22T15:04:44.223-07:00Adult Sex HumorThere may be plenty of fish in the sea, but to catch them, you must first become a Master Baiter.<br><br>fun size chocolate bars! what's that all about?. since when was anything 3inches, fun size?<br><br>If the ocean was vodka & I was a duck I'd swim to the bottom & never come up. But the ocean's not vodka & I'm not a duck so pass me a bottle & shut the f*ck up.<br><br>Touch it gently put 2 fingers in rub it up and down if its wide enough put 3 fingers in keep rubbing it and make sure its wet yep that's how u wash a glass<br><br>There's no such thing as a dirty mind, it's just a sense of humor with adult content<br><br>was always told to practice the Golden Rule - treat others like I wanted to be treated... so I spanked you and pulled your hair.<br><br>When a private number is calling answer with,"Vasectomy clinic. You flop em, we chop em." See how long they stay on the line<br><br>scientist have found that many women develop "Hoover Disease". After yrs of marriage, they begin to make a continuous whining noise but don't suck any more<br><br>Wife: Shall we try a different position tonight? Husband: Excellent idea Wife: U stand at sink, wash dishes, I will lie on sofa & watch TV =PTazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-63716905342256179732012-10-22T14:55:00.000-07:002012-10-22T14:55:05.511-07:00Stupid FolksIt's too bad wisdom can't be bought or sold. I know some people that are definitely in need of a shopping spree!<br><br>Is requesting to be sent to a beautiful faraway island that DOESN'T contain: 1. Stupid people 2. Annoying people and 3. Selfish people.<br><br>okay, so I really don't mind that's there's stupid people in this world, but WHY do they ALL have to be sent MY way?<br><br>Can't change stupid, and can't negotiate with crazy<br><br>A brunette and a blond are at the pool. The brunette says "Oh no! it's raining!" the blond then says "OMG stick your head underwater so you don't get wet!"<br><br>If Jesus was your friend on Facebook, would you have gone ahead and posted what you did today?<br><br>I'm not anti-social... I just refuse to socialize with stupid people... and they're EVERYWHERE!!<br><br>God please keep your hand over my mouth and your arms around mine before I tell people exactly what I think and get into a fist fight. Amen<br><br>Ignorance is the absence of knowledge. Stupidity is the presence of knowledge and the refusal to use it.<br><br>On the bright side of things... stupid people are free entertainment!<br><br>I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you...smack yourself for me.<br><br>
There are a few people I know whose birth certificates should be considered an apology letter to the world!Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-73347461885176898732012-10-22T14:52:00.002-07:002012-10-22T14:52:58.790-07:00Stupid PeopleIf I were you, I'd shut up. The little voices in my head are telling me to high five you in the face with a frying pan.<br><br>If you are going to unfriend me on face book, don't use your husband's/wife's Face book to still spy on me and see what i am doing ok! YOU FREAK!<br><br>Dear rude person, Your rudeness is not funny, witty, or cute. It shows off your lack of people skills. Grow up and get your head out of your rear end. Thanks!<br><br>"Be who you are and say what you feel because its mind over matter, those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."<br><br>Have you ever dealt with someone who, when they talk, the amount of stupidity that tumbles out is so overwhelming that it leaves you speechless?<br><br>Some people need to swim in a shark tank while they're having their period.<br><br>The cure for stupidity: A shock collar... It either puts an end to peoples stupidity or you can laugh from watching them flail around LMAO!<br><br>"Why don't you get a hobby? I hear running in traffic is fun!"<br><br>I vote that a pharmaceutical company should come up with a pill for those of us who deal with stupid people on a daily basis. This would be ever so helpful!<br><br>I think every day when i go to work."It has got to be illegal or some kind of O.S.H.A violation to have this many stupid people under one roof."<br><br>I hate all the "My life sucks!" statuses. Look, instead of moping around on Facebook, go change your freaking life and make it better!!Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-10044630922030538202012-10-22T14:47:00.000-07:002012-10-22T14:52:04.836-07:00Funny Random Humoris thinking: "I think thinking thinks thoughts that thoughts think they're thinking when I'm thinking ". I thought thoughts think, but I thought wrong.<br><br>I bet back in the 1850's people thought we were gonna have flying cars and time traveling but no! We just get shaped rubber bands and backwards robes!<br><br>If I suddenly smile, run.<br><br>1 in 4 people are crazy. Look at your 3 closest friends, if they seem OK, you're the one!<br><br>It's okay to talk to yourself, and it's even okay to answer yourself. Its when you start going, "huh? What did you say?" that the men in the white coats show up<br><br>The proper word that describes you would be vinegar sac, yep I just said douche bag but in a fancy way!<br><br>I may randomly burst out in laughter. Don't worry. It's an inside joke. You may not get it, but WE do.<br><br>screw the box! i think outside the straight-jacket ;)<br><br>what do you call Winnie the Pooh's grandmother? Pooh-nanny! hahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahahahahah<br><br>Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.<br><br>My inner child threw a temper tantrum when the voices in my head refused to share the swings in my mental playground. It was total & utter chaos!<br><br>u should have your license plate to say I FORGOT so when someone calls the police and they ask what's the license plate say the person would say I FORGOT!!<br><br>says; My special school bus driver said it's okay to lick the windows on the small bus, but if I eat another seat I can't ride any more.<br><br>There are 4 level of crazy: 1) talking to yourself 2) arguing with yourself 3) losing said argument 4) no longer talking to yourself<br><br>is currently disguised as a responsible adult!!<br><br>bent the buckles on my straight jacket today..things are looking up<br><br>crazy people don't know they are crazy, i know i am crazy therefor i am not crazy<br><br>The voices in my head and my 2 imaginary friends got into a fight and I had to break it up by hitting my head on the wall and telling them CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN!<br><br>Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-81213068074349060362012-10-22T14:38:00.002-07:002012-10-22T14:43:55.201-07:00Rude Sarcastic Mean
Honey, you're just like Monday.. NO ONE LIKES YOU! :)
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Any dog will eat leftovers, so how are you enjoying my ex?
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Being Two-faced does not make you multi- talented!
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Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot that my feelings only matter to you when you want something!!
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Damn my name must weigh a ton. It's so heavy on your mind it keeps falling out of your mouth!
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needs more middle fingers!
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Your mother called, she has your balls. no need to spy on my Facebook. If you want to know what I think about you just ask. But trust me, you won't like what I have to say!
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Some day there will be a time when I am not rude, sarcastic, or just plain mean... Today isn't that day... and tomorrow doesn't look promising either!
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..If you were looking for someone perfect, you picked the wrong girl, go buy yourself a damn Barbie!!!
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"Honey don't be proud if so many guys want you. CHEAP items have many buyers"
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People come and go throughout your life, some leave footprints in your heart. . . others, well I would like to leave footprints on their faceTazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-53310419887333884462012-06-03T12:08:00.002-07:002012-06-03T12:08:12.625-07:00Pissythey say when life gives you lemons. make some lemonade. i say. take the damn lemon and squirt it in the eye of the person who made you mad.<br><br>Got my mistletoe in my back pocket so you can kiss my a**<br><br>My breaking point is closer then you think, so step off<br><br>swears that she's going to drop kick the next girl that she hears whining because they haven't seen their boyfriend all day<br><br>i dont feel like being nice today, u may want to watch out.<- your warning<br><br>The more i think about it...The less i give a crap!<br><br>It just seems like the past few weeks have been one very long bad day!<br><br>Facebook.. the one place where you can make people laugh, or cry, smile, get angry, or be sad, frustrated, and piss them off without even meaning too!<br><br>Let's play Wheel Of Fortune: K_SS MY _SS Would you like to buy a vowel??Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-91578827690255273362012-06-03T12:04:00.002-07:002012-06-03T12:04:32.932-07:00Crude Sarcastic Quotes
Let's face it. Some people can only be described as: "Should have been a blow job"<br><br>I can't lie. If I saw someone's status as "standing on a cliff", I'd poke them. :)<br><br>What's the definition of cruelty? Walking into a cemetery singing ah ah ah ah staying alive staying alive<br><br>I just saw something that reminded me of you.. but don't worry, I flushed the toilet and washed my hands!<br><br>You judge my life know by what you think you know, I wonder what you would say if you knew what my life was really like, Judge me after you walk in my shoes<br><br>Why does everybody automatically assume I'm a mean person??? I'm not that cruel. Well, there was that one time... And the time after that... And after that...Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-46695017385243986402012-06-03T12:02:00.001-07:002012-06-03T12:02:51.885-07:00Offending Quoteshates it when people look at a person and say 'oh there gay' who cares they put there pants on the same way you do deal with it there not aliens<br><br>says please let me know if I say anything that offends you, so I know what it is if I want to offend you again some other time!!<br><br>Why people always say " No Offence" right before they offend you ?<br><br>Why are people so offended by the beliefs of others? If you are secure in your own beliefs, who cares what other people believe?<br><br>I'm absolutely sure I'm going to offend someone today...is it your lucky day???<br><br>Don't like what I have to say? Feel free to delete me! Freedom of speech.<br><br>If I offend you by my post, obviously you feel guilty!<br><br>on no, i have offended someone on facebook :P muahhaha<br><br>Beat up a guy in a wheelchair today. she said "I'll get you when I go to heaven and get my legs back!" I laughed. It's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!<br><br>What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds." <br><br>finds it interesting how hypocritical offensive people become when faced with their own offenses...<br><br>They tell us to send our clothes to the poor starving kids in Africa, Well trust me if they can fit into my clothes they aren't starving!!Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-16085260448085746142012-06-03T11:52:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:52:17.729-07:00Fishing HumorTo fish or not to fish...what a stupid question!<br><br>if God wanted us to be vegetarians he woulda made broccoli more fun to shoot at and lettuce more fun to fish for<br><br>I traded my husband for a brand new fishing pole.. best damn trade I ever made<br><br>People these days look like they got their head stuck in a tackle box! Whats up with all the piercings? I mean come on. =p<br><br>DTF; Down To Fish. ;D<br><br>T.G.I.F thank god i fish<br><br>M.I.L.F ( man i love fishing)<br><br>fishing is like a roller coaster every time u catch a fish u scream when u don't catch a fish the ride is over and that cycle repeats for ever<br><br>It amazing to me that you need a license to fish, but anybody can make a baby!<br><br>redneck word: DEBATE= ``Hey Fred, did you bring Debate.''<br><br>Never trust a sushi bar next to a bait shop<br><br>We go fishin & hunt mushrooms, we like nascar & tractor pulls, we shoot guns & ride horses...some would call us tomboys, but we're just "Good Ole Country Girls"Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-74528538042378826672012-06-03T11:50:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:50:17.856-07:00Obese Fat JokeRoses are red.. violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but W.T.F happened 2 you?? ^^,<br><br>Men may wear the pants in the relationship, but it's us ladies that control the zipper :)<br><br>is putting herself up for adoption...applicants must have lots of money, be very generous, love to shop and spend quality time at the spa...any takers???<br><br>Is Hormonally Challenged today...Even my socks are pissing me off!! Need I say more?<br><br>dear belly fat: The Power of CHRIST Compels YOU! THE Power OF CHRIST Compels YOU! Leave this BODY! You are not WANTED!..Amen<br><br>Curvy Girls are better because meat is for man and bone is for dog :)<br><br>when a fat girl asks you "do I look fat in this?" say hold on I'll jog around to the front<br><br>Public Service Announcement #327 - Just because it says 'One size fits all', well, I think you know where I am going with this..<br><br>jumped on the scale today and it said "to be continued". Is that a problem?<br><br>Just because u put a pretty shirt over your muffin top , that dose not make it a cupcake<br><br>"For the record, I am not fat. I am fluffy. There are six levels of fatness. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy, damn!, And OH HELL NO!!"<br><br>girl look at this stomach, ah... girl look at this stomach, ah... I DON'T WORK OUT! jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle ya I'm a fatty and i know it :)<br><br>I like having a little weight on me cuz skinny people freeze to death faster.<br><br>I'm not fat... just rebelling against anorexia, and doing a really good job!<br><br>if someone tells you your fat tell them yea p.h.a.t pretty hot and thick and watch their face;)<br><br>Stood on the scale today, and the damn thing yell at me to get the hell off.<br><br>I decided to burn some calories today and ended up in jail! Apparently; setting fat kids on fire is not burning calories.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-4207269120217740572012-06-03T11:44:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:58:13.662-07:00Humor For Women(singing) I'm going to the gym today, going to the gym, gonna run real fast & shrink my A$$, going to the gym today!<br><br>if u want Ur man to listen to u, every so often throw in the words beer, naked women and food. They'll listen<br><br>wonders if anyone has the answer to this: if Cinderella's shoe fits perfectly, then why did it fall off??<br><br>Summer's Eve announced a new douche infused with THC, anti-perspirant, & KFC... It leaves you fresh, high, dry, and finger lickin' good!<br><br>Advisory: Do not piss me off today! Lack of sleep + PMS = short fuse! Explosion could occur at any minor provocation. Don't say you weren't warned!<br><br>I have PMS and a GPS. I am a b*tch and I will find you.<br><br>How to please a woman: Kiss her, tell her you love her, compliment her, buy her what she loves, spend time with her, How to please a man: make him a sandwich...<br><br>thinks men are like alcohol. In moderation, they are great...but too much will give you a headache.<br><br>A woman without curve's is like food without flavor BORING!!<br><br>I am such a good a cook even the smoke alarm hoots and hollers<br><br>Still a princess--right down to my glass flip flops and enchanted jeans and t-shirts!!
if a fat person calls you a "twig" tell them "well you're a tree trunk"<br><br>
If bars don't sell to drunk people, why does McDonald's sell to fat people?Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-87890603076211109602012-06-03T11:40:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:40:34.567-07:00Single Life<br><br>Its okay to be SINGLE cause its shows that you haven't found anyone who deserves you yet, and that you don't depend on others for happiness!<br><br>Dear heart, please fall in love only when you're ready, not when you're lonely.<br><br>...would rather be single and feel lonely at times, than to be in a relationship and feel alone when my partner is standing right next to me.<br><br>Definition of Single: Free. Nobody to boss you around. Hang out with whoever you want. Drama Free. Makes life easier.<br><br>I'm not single because I'm undatable, I'm single because I'm strong enough to take care of myself<br><br>My boyfriend is just like my Ferrari! I don't have one.<br><br>I don't consider myself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE' I consider myself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE'.. =]<br><br>Three things I want in a Relationship:<br>
1. Eyes that won't say goodbye.<br>
2. Lips that won't lie.<br>
3. Love that won't die.
Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-91312737252314417132012-06-03T11:39:00.003-07:002012-06-03T11:39:51.602-07:00SingleI'm tired of people telling me that I'm too pretty to be single. The truth is that I'm too pretty to be lied to, cheated on and played with.<br><br>I'm tired of hearing "there are plenty of fish in the sea" well not anymore! The dang oil spill got em'! Now what am i gonna do?~ Single~<br><br>Being single doesn't mean you're not good enough for anybody, it means nobody else is good enough for you! ;)<br><br>To all the single girls out there asking where the decent guys are: They're in the friend zone, right where you left them.<br><br>Don't ask me why I am single, just give me a valid reason why I need a boyfriend.<br><br>Still looking for Mr. Right... but sure having fun playing with all the Mr. Wrongs along the way ; )<br><br>Best thing about being SINGLE? No drama, no fighting, no crying, no feeling, no confusion, no worries, & no problem.<br><br>I'm on reserve for the one who deserves!<br><br>loves being single and not having to answer to anybody, doing what ya want, who ya want, when ya want!!!Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-39866970103003443542012-06-03T11:34:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:35:30.934-07:00Sexy FunnyThis is my rifle, this is my gun. Spread those legs and I'll show you some fun. On your back or from behind, don't matter to me, ether way is fine<br><br>How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes<br><br>2 make it stand,u wet it, 2 make it wet u suck it, 2 make it stiff, u lick it, 2 get it in,u push it? f*ck me threading a needle when u get older is no joke!<br><br>saw a pair of panties that said "It's not going to lick itself"<br><br>....Japanese girl was making love and accidentally passed wind. she quickly explained, "Oh me so sorry, you make front hole so happy, back hole blow you kiss"<br><br>Hearing u moan & groan really turns me on, it makes me wanna please u even more. Then holding on till you absolutely can't no longer. Then TOGETHER, Fireworks.<br><br>People say: "You are what you eat." I say: "That's funny cause I don't remember eating a bowl of SEXY BEAST this morning."<br><br>You're 13 you should be riding bicycles, not guys. ;)<br><br>To whom it may concern:<br>6 inches is not enough and 12 inches is too much! Just saying...<br>From your loyal subway customer =)<br><br>New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.<br><br>can turn any topic, any discussion, any song...naughty. you call it bad; I call it talent. Don't hate :)<br><br>I don't know how many licks it takes to get to the center, but you start and I will let you know when you hit the number.<br><br>Tell me, is it going in? yeah, is it hurting?..ooh yeah, ouch its hurtin ..ok i Will put it in slowly, still hurtin, oh ya ..the lets try another size shoe!Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-22648661467152684392012-06-03T11:31:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:31:43.424-07:00Sex Dirty Naughtyis not too fond of the words "DON'T" and "STOP", but when said together it can be awesome! Happy Hump Day, and may it be a "Don't Stop" kinda day for ya ;-)<br><br>My bed, clothing on the floor, sweat, shivers, heavy breathing, hair pulling, biting. These are just some of the things that come to mind when I think of you!<br><br>Sticks and stones my break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. So tie me up and throw me down and show me how you like me. ;)<br><br>Says...if i'm smiling then i'm probably thinking of something dirty! :D<br><br>It's important to find a person who has money, a person that adores you & a person who's great in bed. It's also important that these 3 people never meet! :D<br><br>Nearly had a threesome last night. Only needed two more people =/<br><br>Ooooooohhhhhhhh... The handles on the side of the mattress are for moving it...<br><br>When it goes down, I scream. When it comes up, I lean backwards with pleasure. When it goes faster, I beg for more.Damn..gotta love roller coasters.<br><br>It's only a sin if you feel guilty about it :)<br><br>it's sad when a spider can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can<br><br>I got the sack from my bingo calling job. Apparently a meal for two with a terrible view isn't the way to announce 69.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-59234408561240663062012-06-03T11:28:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:34:59.642-07:00Justin Bieber Suckshates Justin Bieber. End of story.<br><br>The day Justin Bieber is a good singer is the day Team Rocket permanently catches Pikachu. :P<br><br>My least two fav girl singers are... JUSTIN BIEBER AND REBECKA BLACK! Press like if you agree :)<br><br>If Justin Bieber was about to jump off a building I would get some popcorn and a Coke then enjoy the show. How about you?<br><br>Spelling bee Teacher:How do you spell girl Little Girl:J-U-S-T-I-N B-I-E-B-E-R Teacher:That is correct<br><br>Teacher: Timmy spell loser, "J-U-S-T-I-N-B-I-E-B-E-R". Teacher: Correct!, Amy spell ugly, "J-U-S-T-I-N-B-I-E-B-E-R". Teacher: Correct again!<br><br>when Justin Bieber dies 90% girls will cry, 9% girls will be so happy , 1% i will be sitting in jail talking to my jail-mate<br><br>Oh God! :( Our generation will be known for sparkly vampires and Bieber Fever. We should be ashamed of ourselves!<br><br>Justin Bieber has short term memory loss. NEVER SAY NEVER- says "never" 78 times. ONE TIME-says "Imma tell you one time" almost sixty times...<br><br>if i was stuck in a room with 2 bullets, Justin Bieber and bin laden i would shoot Justin Bieber.twice<br><br>I hate you, you hate me, lets tie Bieber to a tree. with an ax, water bottle and a 2x4, no more Bieber any-more =D<br><br>You smile, I smile; You cry, I cry; You say Justin Bieber is awesome, I slap you across the face and push you off a cliff.<br><br>this really works, go to goggle type in "most searched women" go to the first result, read #7, then laugh your head off :)<br><br>
What's the only thing Chuck Norris can't break?<br>JUSTIN BIEBER'S VOICE<br><br>Dear God, You are doing a great job creating life and all.. but Justin Bieber... Really??<br><br>Like if you agree that Justin Bieber should be hit with another water bottle and that Rebbecca Black should just take a seat in the car already!Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-80913448043044632612012-06-03T11:20:00.002-07:002012-06-03T11:28:45.457-07:00Ex BoyfriendEver looked at your ex and thought..did i really fancy THAT?! or Was i in a coma for all those years?? lol<br><br>ever look at your ex and be like, "i must have been drunk that whole relationship"?<br><br>if someone makes you cry ,cry a river ,make a bridge and push them of f it<br><br>Don't you just hate it when your ex says to you "I'm here if you ever need me". Where the f*ck were you when we were together and I needed you?!<br><br>An Ex is called an Ex because they're an EX-ample of who not to date next time<br><br>That awkward moment when someone random says "You two look cute together" and the other person is your ex.<br><br>When I'm feeling absolutely sorry for myself, I look at my ex-boyfriends girlfriend and feel so much better :)<br><br>Why try to be friends with ex-boyfriends when they just turn around and become obsessed with you thinking your getting back together...NOT HARDLY!!!<br><br>one mans ex is another mans treasure <3 watch out fellas if you ain't treating your woman right someone else will :)<br><br>Your "ex" can be your worst enemies. They know your weaknesses and your personal business.<br><br>so...I see you changed your status to "in a relationship"; all I can say is I feel so sorry for her...<br><br>You know what yup I really liked you. I admit it, but how I feel bad for the next girl who has to put up with your crap! Yea we'll see how long that lasts (;<br><br>It's so hard to find your prince charming in a world filled with toads!<br><br>Since I was with you first why don't you ask her how my sloppy seconds taste (:Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-31016890425960717782012-06-03T11:11:00.003-07:002012-06-03T11:16:07.258-07:00Bitchy Annoyed AngryPeople need to understand I am who I am for a reason. Don't like me? Too Bad, I wasn't born for you to like:D
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If you hate me so much, then why can't you keep my name out of your mouth and your eyes off my page?
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You are as useless as pants on a slutty hooker! JUST SAYING. :)
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If you are not my parent, my significant other, or the person paying my bills; then your opinion doesn't matter to me
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its obvious from your reaction that u cant handle the truth. go twist your lies and stab someone else in the back because I'm done wasting time on u.
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"don't spend so much time analyzing me and my life. Worry about your own, that is obviously where the real issues lie...focus on your own 4 once!"
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Go ahead talk crap, I don't care:) Every time I find out u talk about me it just proves you're more jealous each time!:)â
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is placing herself in "time-out" until she is able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
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There are some days you need to step away from Facebook before you put something really bad on it. Today would be one of those days
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Love me or Hate me! But first ask yourself, Do I really care what you think? Ahhhhh NO!!!
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If you don't like me that's your problem.I know you find it hard to understand but I don't live to please you!
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Really sick of people making stuff up just to try and get to me. Just because I have what you will NEVER have doesn't mean you need to be a hater.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-87164465501882403632012-03-17T10:17:00.002-07:002012-03-17T10:17:33.031-07:00Men Women FunnyThe quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.<br />
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If it wasn’t for pickpockets and frisking at airports I wouldn’t have any sex life at all.<br />
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A lady is a woman who never shows her underwear unintentionally. <br />
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. <br />
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A eunuch is a man who has had his works cut out for him<br />
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His designs were strictly honorable; that is to rob a lady of her fortune by way of marriage. <br />
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Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. <br />
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What a blonde - she was enough to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. <br />
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I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was the man goes on the top and the woman underneath. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.<br />
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He said it was artificial respiration, but now I find I am to have his child<br />
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Sara could commit adultery at one end and weep for her sins at the other and enjoy both operations at once. <br />
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go. It's a pretty good empty experience.<br />
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All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I’d sooner go to my dentist any day.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-55942153237339237612012-03-17T10:02:00.001-07:002012-03-17T10:16:36.598-07:00Hilarious One LinersIt’s so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom. <br />
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The world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night. <br />
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The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutans trying to play the violin. <br />
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It is well to write love letters. There are certain things that are not easy to ask your mistress for face to face – like money for instance.<br />
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IN the circles which I move, sleeping with woman does not constitute an introduction.<br />
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I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose - they should draw the line at goats though.<br />
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A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - that's because she changes it more often. <br />
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A man ought not to marry without having studied anatomy, and dissected at least one woman. <br />
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A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy in the Position<br />
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Sex is an act with sober reflection one recalls with repugnance and even in more elevated mood even with disgust.<br />
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The Love Bird is one hundred percent faithful to its mate as long as they are locked together in the same cage.<br />
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There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It’s a thing no married man knows anything about.<br />
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I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.<br />
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I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than with Ulysses S. Grant In full military regalia.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-50709010544158140412012-03-17T09:58:00.004-07:002012-03-17T10:00:46.805-07:00Women and MenHappiness is watching TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure. <br />
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Oh Lord-give me chastity, but do not give it yet. <br />
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She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin<br />
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Divorce is the sacrament of adultery. <br />
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.<br />
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My best birth control now is to leave the lights on. <br />
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Niagara Falls is the bride's second great disappointment. <br />
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My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman i when I visited the Statue of Liberty. <br />
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How I wish that Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. <br />
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I was actually the first birth from an inflatable woman.<br />
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Women are like elephants - everyone likes to look at them but no one likes to have to keep one.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-40541746119991944072012-02-18T05:07:00.002-08:002012-02-18T05:16:28.017-08:00Dumb Blondehow do u kill a blond? give her a pistol and tell her it is a blow drier<br />
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did you here about the tragedy of what happened while the blond was raking leaves? she fell out of the tree. :)<br />
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Brunette: When I'm older, I'm moving to Mars!<br />
Blond: When I'm older I'm moving to the sun!<br />
Brunette: Wont u burn?<br />
Blond: No stupid! I'll go at night! Duh!<br />
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A blond walked into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need a new butt". He asks "Why?" and she says, "This one has a crack in it".<br />
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Two blondes are driving to Disneyland. They see a sign that reads: Disneyland left.. the blondes turn around and leave ( set this as yer status if u get it) LOL<br />
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Girl: Sir, can I buy that TV? Clerk: No Girl:Why not? Clerk: We don't sell to blonds. Girl:How did you know I'm a natural blond? Clerk:That's a microwave.<br />
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we blonds are NOT STUPID. WE KNOW what we are talking about!!Wait what was I talking about<br />
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A Blondie and a brunette walk to a cave. The Blondie goes first. The brunette asks ''is it dark''<br />
The Blondie says ''I don't know, I can't see?''<br />
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You know your blonde when you type in google on google! :)<br />
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you know your a blond when you hear a blond joke and say "wait what i don't get it''<br />
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You know your blonde when you read the blonde jokes and you say, " Remember when i did that?"<br />
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Why couldn't the blond call 911? Because she couldn't find the eleven on the phone.Tazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7391079574923497741.post-70689296697052244372012-02-18T05:07:00.000-08:002012-02-18T05:07:06.354-08:00Blondesa blond opened up a box of cheerios and said look "mini donuts"<br />
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I no longer have blonde moments, it is now a way of life!<br />
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While you laugh...sruoh rof ysub ednolb a peek uoy woh siht (read everything after period backwards)<br />
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two blonds were standing outside one said witch do u think is closer Florida or the moon? the other blonde said the moon because you cant see Florida from here<br />
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a blond and a brunette are walking in the park and the brunette says,"look!! a dead bird!!" the blond then looks in the sky and says ,"where?!" lol<br />
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The great thing about blond jokes are that everyone gets them. Except blonds, who think they are regular life moments.<br />
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What do u do when a blonde throws a pin at u?U run like hell, cuz she has a hand grenade in her mouth!<br />
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don't you just hate it when you forgot your phone and its in your hand? Ugh! It happens to me all the time!!<br />
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is duck tape actually made out of ducksTazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11505467748545666674noreply@blogger.com0