Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and squishy?
What?!
It's bubble gum. Jeez, what were you thinking?!

Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think your on drugs.

Thinks housework is a pointless job, no one seems to notice, no one pats you on the back and says well done and everyone seems hellbent on wrecking your efforts
say I'M A SOCK CHUCKER AND I CHUCK SOCKS 3 times fast as you can

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to hide the bodies of the ones who GOT IN MY WAY!

What do you call a 350lb stripper? BROKE!! ha ha

I'm not rude...I just wasn't taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can't stand...

Definition of ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both Ends
And is now growing in the middle.

Sperms are like illegal immigrants...millions enter, but only one works. Happy hump day

Eat me beat me,bite me, blow me,suck me,*#ck me, do it slowly.When you kiss me don't be hasty, use your tongue and make it tasty :P heres ur love letter ma!!