Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood??? her hand caught on fire!!

i don't hate you but lets just say if you were on fire and i had a cup of water ill drink it

If at any time it starts to seem like I care, tell me. I hate to give off the wrong impression.

Really officer, the reason I was speeding is because I really have to poop!! :/

People in glass houses should always wear clothes.

I sometimes look at my family and friends and think how lucky they are to have me in their lives...

You're smirking because you think you won. I'm laughing because I know you haven't. Continue the game, girl. Karma's got my back. ;)

... And the next thing I knew, I was sitting naked at the table eating Lucky Charms...

people tell me to follow my dreams...not a good idea considering most of my dreams end in fire, explosions, people i don't like "magically" dying...etc

Redneck word of the day: cedar - "I know she ain't wearin' no panties, I cedar cooter!"