What do you say when your husband says "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"? You reply "I'm going to miss you" :)
If a man is in the woods and says something and a woman isn't around to hear, is the man still wrong?
Man sitting at home on the porch with his wife and he says "I love you." She says" Is that you or the beer talking?" He says it's me talking to the beer.
TOP STORY - Sleep Deprived Wife Smothers Snoring Spouse With Pillow - details at 11:00.
Always thought of having 3 children but decided two kids and a husband is clearly enough!
Isn't it funny that marriage and insanity both involve commitment and white clothing?
Arguing with your wife is like trying to blow out a light bulb...
has a husband for sale. Remote control included. Slightly used and abused. Is trained but doesn't listen. Any bidders?
First year of marriage, the man speaks & the woman listens.2nd year, the woman speaks and the man listens. 3rd they both speak and the neighbors listen.
is wondering why is it that men can shoot a deer between the eyes from 100 feet away but they always miss the toilet bowl?
As a married woman I love being able to tell my husband " I DO HAVE PAPERS ON YOU"
Daughter to mother: Why is the bride wearing white? Mother: Cause it's the happiest day of her life. Daughter: So why is the groom wearing black?
Wife:'What r u doing?'- Husband:'Nothin'-Wife:'Nothing.You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour'- Husband:'I was looking for the expiration date
sez,I asked my husband: "What do you like most, my pretty face or my sexy body?" My husband looked me up & down and said, "I like your sense of humor!"
To men who say "Why buy the cow when you get milk for free?" 80% of women won't marry you because "It's not worth buying the PIG to get a little sausage"
can't seem to figure out why I'm insane... then I remembered... I am married... case closed ;)
I'm convinced, "Til Death Do you Part" was only applicable when people died of old age in their 30's.
Definition of spouse: The person who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd have just stayed single.
Marriage is like a funeral. They both mean the rest of your life is over!!!