I mentally murder people I don't like.
Somebody stole my identity last week. Today, they showed up at my door and pleaded for me to take it back.
Got a flat tire... Pulled over to change it. Stupid guy says, "Did your tire go flat?" I said " No, I was driving along and the other 3 just swelled up!"
Your so fat you need a forklift truck to lift your belly up an try an find what you call a fanny
Good news! I just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms. Just sayin'.
Is going to start carrying a stopwatch and a rock. People will get 5 seconds to THINK about what they want to say. If it's still stupid...well, I have a rock.
If people had to think to breathe, 99% of the world would drop dead tomorrow.
Stupid people should be fitted with a shock collar and smart people should have the remotes :) Maybe then we can teach them to act a little more intelligent.
Your that much of a slag they gave you your own page in the yellow pages
I am really very busy doing nothing. I would let you know when I am finished but not sure how long that will be
Keep on digging your own grave and once you're finished i'll bury you alive.
I am not sarcastic...I'm verbally ironic
Just loves when someone calls my home phone and asks, "You home??" I just want to answer, "Na! I'm in freaking Africa!!" UGH!!
I don't care what society says. To me tattoos, piercings, and colored hair is normal.. It is the cashmere sweaters and Mary Jane shoes that are scary!!
Yes you have the right of freedom of speech... And I have the right to bear arms... I'm sorry, you were saying?
Dear Monday, I really wish you would stay gone longer. I am sick of you always butting in and ruining things. I think I need to end our relationship.
I must've been adopted, because there's no way in hell that I'm related to these nut-jobs.
I asked my husband to take me somewhere Expensive, he took me to the Gas Station!
Thinking about eating right, exercising, and quitting all my bad habits. But then I would attract too much attention, and frankly, I lik
If you're looking for a perfect girl, go to the store and say Hi to BARBIE!
Girl don't worry about her, she goes through men like tampons.
Ever been dumped by someone that you didn't even know you were dating? It kinda sucks.. Lmao
Today I cannot be my usual "Ray Of Sunshine". Please check back tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense, I see stupid people.