Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

It's too bad that I am a mature responsible adult or else I would definitely be playing hooky from work today.

Wishes I could put Xanax in my candy dish at work. Then we would have shiny, happy co-workers & management!

WORK is AWESOME!! It's the only way to get constantly screwed 5 days in a row without the fear of pregnancy or disease.. Just saying..

Is considering winning the lottery as my next career choice :)

Dear customer, I'm the one who works here so face it, I'm right, your wrong. I obviously know what I'm talking about so can you just shut the hell up already??

My brain says it's a beautiful day, play hooky. My bank account says suck it up. Go to work and feed me.Bank account won the fight.Had high hopes for my brain.

Just because you are the manager in charge, it does not mean your the smartest person in the room.

Wants less work to do, more time to do get it done, and higher pay for my efforts. Is that Really too much to ask for?

Wouldn't it be great if you could order happy pills by bulk from Office Depot?! Now that's what I call boosting morale in the workplace! :)

Funny thing happened on the way to work. I actually couldn't believe I was going there again.

It's nice to know that sometimes, just sometimes I know what I'm doing...

Check-list for work: Sarcasm? Check. Packed lunch? Check. Temper? Check. Handbag? Check. Vocabulary of swear words? Check. Valium? Check. All set to go then.

Would rather go para gliding over a shark infested ocean with a learner driver and a parachute that doesn't open, than go to work tomorrow :-(

Is wondering if being allergic to work can be claimed as a disability?!

Says, "How do you spell relief? D-A-Y O-F-F!"

Is thinking about calling in dead tomorrow, do you think the boss will believe me???

Isn't it amazing how the sound of one person's voice can spoil your whole day at work?!

I keep reminding myself...Today is just one more day closer to retirement!