Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

I so have bigger balls than you, the only difference is, they are on my chest!

Doesn't need to exercise, I get enough exercise by pushing my luck, jumping to conclusions and flying off the handle!!

Will not apologize for being born without a mind-to-mouth filter, if you don't want to hear what I am thinking by all means GO AWAY.

Monday must be a man..it comes 2 fast!

No i didn't just run into the pole, it just looked like it needed a hug

Best quote against size zero-"Real men go for curves..Only dogs go 4 bones..!

-- Welcome ..Today's specials are: Lack of sleep, up too early, and low on patience..thank you, come again --

Stressing and obsessing is not my style. I was raised to say f*ck you, with a high class
Smile (;

If brains were gas, then i know some people that wouldn't have enough to get a piss ants go cart half way around a cheerio!! Ya feel me : )

There are Four Levels of insanity, 1) Talks to self 2) Argues with self 3) Loses argue with self 4) No longer speaks to self.

~~ Dear Sleep, I don't know whats come between us, but I miss u terribly. Lets get together later, k? ~~

Is going on a long holiday to Couldntgiveafuckistan!

Everything is just wucking fonderful, thanks for asking ;)

Most women long for a knight in shining armor, but most just end up with a dork in aluminum foil!!

When telling lies become a natural part of daily life...you might want to consider a lifestyle change!

...some people are like jellyfish...no brain, no spine and can easily be seen through...

Don't you just LOVE rumours, they tell you so many awesome things you didn't even know about yourself!

Why the Hell do Mosquito's have to suck blood? Can't they suck out fat instead?

Dear homework, you are unattractive; there for, I cannot do you.