Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Has took the goldfish for a walk... Be back soon

If i'm normal, o crap, we r all in trouble!!!

Is thinking: "i think thinking thinks thoughts that thoughts think they're thinking when i'm thinking ". I thought thoughts think, but i thought wrong.

A, b, c, d, e, f, g, gummy bears are chasing me. One is red, one is blue, one is peeing on my shoe. Now i'm running for my life cause the red one has a knife!!!

Sometimes i question my sanity, occasionally it replies!

Crazy people don't know they are crazy, i know i am crazy therefor i am not crazy

Isn't here right now, i have currently sent my brain on vacation for a while. Leave me a message and when my brain gets back, i will contact you. Beep!

It took me all this time to lose my mind, what on earth made you think i would want a piece of yours?

I'm not crazy nor do i have anger issues,it's just that this rock told me it really wanted to hit you in the head!

I don't just talk to myself. I talk to myself, get in a debate, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day.

Fun idea: haven't got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is

I may look sane & calm; but in my head i've already killed you 3 times! I even got rid of the body. :)

I didn't loose my marbles, the people in my head are playing with them and they wont give them back! I wish they would learn to share.

Guys are like sour patch kids mixed up; first they're sweet, then they're sour...then they're gone :p

I was going to tell you all something extremely cool but then i got distracted but here i go ok omg there's a lady bug on the keyboard i'll kill it jiolhywsdkd

Put your hands up if you think i'm crazy! Now how crazy are you with your hand up in front of the computer when no-one can see it???

I'm a bird , moo ! X