Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'

How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.

Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.