Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

Warning: Objects in mirror are actually behind you.

Warning: Your computer attracts every other piece of matter in the universe.

Dogs are for those who dare not bite people themselves.

But sir! He just smacked my fist with his face!

Due to lack of interest, tomorrow is cancelled.

The universe is a dangerous place. No one gets out alive.

You got an error, so it must be working.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

That guy makes more noise than a small intestine after a Mexican meal.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

The doctor says that I'm schizophrenic, but we don't agree.

Happiness is like peeing your pants - everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

You nonconformists are all alike.

There are no stupid questions - only stupid people.

There are 10 kinds of people - those who understand binary and those who don't.

If, at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Patience comes to those who wait.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the
chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

To be truly medieval, one must have no body. To be truly modern, one must have no soul. To be truly Greek, one must have no clothes.

Why don't you shake you're head a little louder, so we all get the idea?

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a BEST friend will be sitting right beside you saying, "That was AWESOME!"