Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

My Father is my banker provided by nature.