Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

I'm not cynical. Just experienced.

I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Pretending to be a normal person day after day is soooo exhausting!

In the beginning, God made boys...then he had a better idea.

Life's a bowl of cheerios but i'm a fruit loop

As a cynic I generally expect the worst. I'm rarely disappointed.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Opinions are like feet. Everybody's got a couple, and they usually stink.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work

I never set out to be weird. It was always the other people who called me weird.