Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

The only time a woman gets a true orgasm is when she is shopping – Joan rivers

The mini skirt enables young ladies to run faster and because of it they may have to .

Brigands demand your monkey for your life – women require both

Women’s liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she’s attractive to the opposite sex. – Earl Wilson

Every woman needs at least three men: one for sex, one for money and one for fun.

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

No woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes. - George coote

A homely face and no figure have aided many a woman heavenward. – Minna Antrim

A woman is the second most important item in the bed room – Paul Hogan

Never despise what it says in the women’s magazines: it may not be subtle but neither are the men – Zsa-Zsa Gabor

A very little wit is valued in a woman, as we are pleased with a few words spoken plain by a parrot – Jonathan Swift

My husband claims to be a great sexual athlete, just because he always comes first.

MY mother said that it was simple to keep a man. You must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I’d hire first two and take care of the bedroom bit myself. – Jerry Hall

Book Dedication:
This book is dedicated to all those men who betrayed me at one time or another, in the hopes that they will fall off their motorcycles and break their necks – Diane Wakoski

The hardest part in a girls life is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious – Helen Rowland

They caught the first female serial killer, but she didn’t kill the men herself. She gained access to their apartments hid their remote controls ad they killed themselves. – Elayne Boosler

I was the first woman to burn my bra – it took the fire department four days to put it out – Dolly Parton.

A broken heart is what makes life so wonderful five years later, when you see the guy in the elevator and he is fat and smoking a cigar and saying long-time-no-see. If he had not broken your heart you could not have that glorious feeling of relief. - Phyllis Battelle

Her face was her chaperone – Rupert Hughes

I’m the intelligent, independent-type woman. In other words, a girl who can’t get a man. – Shelly Winters

All women are stimulated by the news that any wife has left her husband – Anthony Powell

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? I admire her restraint – Roseanne Barr

Never sleep with a man who has named his willy – Jasmine Birtles