Funny One Liners | Sarcastic Quotes

A man with pierced ears is better prepared for marriage. He has experienced the pain and bought jewelry.

A loving wife will do anything for her husband except to stop criticizing and trying to improve him.

Nothing is more distasteful to me than that entire complacency and satisfaction which beam in the countenances of a new married couple.

I have half mind to get married – and that’s all I need

My wife met me at the door wearing a see-through negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife, she has thought much more worse things about you.

Instead of getting married again. I am going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.

There is a little wife-swopping in suburbia. It is unnecessary, the all females being same.

Funny how a wife can spot a blonde hair at twenty yards, yet miss the garage doors.

If a man stays away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

The best way to get a husband do anything is to suggest that he is too old to do that.

An Authors dedication page: This book is dedicated to my brilliant and beautiful wife without whom I would be nothing. She always confronts and consoles, never complains or interferes, asks nothing and endures all. She also writes my dedications.